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A Kick to the Left Eyebrow

It's not really that bad.

I stumbled onto…livejournal again

I’ve decided to go back to livejournal for a while. Find me there.

http://lefteyebrowkick.livejournal.com/

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When Did This App Get Functional?

No…I wanna know.

Real post coming later.

Anyone Applying for a USPS Job

If you got stuck at the employment history section, please read this:

IF YOU WORKED FROM

September (09/2010) to October (10/2011) and were unemployed from (11/2011) to now, you must put in the times you worked and the times unemployed. This is an example by the way.

So, in employed I’d put 09/2010 to 10/2011.

If you quit or else in October, do not say 10/2011 – now.

Start with your first month unemployed! 11/2011 to now.

I hope this helps! Total all of this up to seven years.

I Was a Little Bit Brave but Not Enough to BE Free

 

Follow Up with the Head Doc

So…many…pills. I have about eight pills to take until June 20th. I find it odd. I’m studying this so, I know why he is doing it. I tried explaining it to my father, but my dad wants to hear none of it. (Well, it is EIGHT prescriptions here…). I mean, I’m not happy about it either. But, I do understand it. I have some new clarity.

But, I got off XANAX! Woo!

I have a new page on here for music that I like. So, I’ll post something today.

-V

Follow Up with the Head Doctor

I go for my follow up and evaluation today. More later.

Plugging An Amazing Artist

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQKGLOK2FqmVgVwYferltKQ

INSTAGRAM! : https://instagram.com/rossbugden/
TWITTER! : https://twitter.com/RossBugden

Ross Bugden makes amazing copyright and royalty free music. He has a paypal account if you’d like to donate. Here is a sample of his work!

Watch “AMBER 엠버_CROSSING_Teaser” on YouTube

I Stumbled Onto My Own Diagnosis and Didn’t Even Know pt 2

Well, I can’t actually call it a part two without actually having a part one. So I suppose this an expansion of what I had already said.

Before I begin this post, I have to admit that I have committed blog adultery. I have decided to go ahead and buy another journal. And, this time I am actually writing in it. See, I have a thing about journals. Before I began blogging, I would use a journal all of the time for various reasons. Then it became wanting to use journals for specified reasons. The yellow for songs, the pink for personal. Then it just kind of blurred and I told myself that it was MY journal and I could put whatever I wanted to put in it. (Dammit.)

But, then I began blogging and while only four of my friends at a time ever read the damn thing and I wasn’t sure how many strangers ever read em because not many leave comments (a trend which has continued throughout the history of me blogging) I have just kind of let it go. Then came the year blog. That was fun. It was amazing because I really got things out. I think it’s the fact that I find it easier to type than to physically write anymore. Well–when I’m interested in a topic.

AND DIGRESSED!

The title, yeah the title. Gotta get back to that. I have to tell you that I am hearing this speech in Ultron voice right now. I’ve been watching that movie non-stop. It makes me feel better to recite lines word for word perfectly. Also, I’ll watch Avengers later. SO, my diagnosis.

I had that assignment, the one where I had to think about the first time I felt different, because I was made to feel so? I remember feeling very emotional afterward as if having an ‘Ah ha!’ moment of clarity. And, it began to spawn really dark thoughts in my head about why people never liked me, even when I was a kid. Well, that was when the suicidal thoughts came back. Yes, I’ve had them. But, it’s not the way people think. I never wanted to kill myself. I don’t even want to die. I just sometimes really wonder if I had not existed, would the world go on without me. And, then I get sad because, well, the world goes on without me and I am alive. So, it’d be no different.

I’m sorry, that got really depressing really fast. None-the-less, remembering that incident which I have not illustrated here, I thought to myself that it was the origin of many things that have come for me. That one event traumatized me.

And, then a psychiatrist tells me: Diagnosis: PTSD.

I had thought that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was something only soldiers, doctors, nurses, firemen, cops, etc. get but I was wrong apparently. He said there was more to the diagnosis, but this is the base. It’s all I am willing to share.

Son of a bitch, I stumbled onto my diagnosis and didn’t even know it.

And now, for a  new song from Bangtan Sonyeondan

 

-V

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